Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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