You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
