my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
