I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
