did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
