no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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