the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
