Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
