As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to make out with him forever
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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