we're chasing vodka with high fives
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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