i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
