Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
