The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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