Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
