My boss' voice literally gives me gas
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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