You're completely useless in the revolution.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
