Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
try to milk me bitch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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