I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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