When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
