too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
