I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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