her vagine was all disorganized.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
