Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
