I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
