i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
