I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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