but the lizard people decide everything anyway
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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