sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
