she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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