dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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