I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
