Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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