You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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