am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
