my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
