If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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