Don't you send me to vm
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
