Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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