I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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