Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
