so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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