At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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