no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
