she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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