dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
