yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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