McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
