We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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