dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
