i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Boobs are out for the taking
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
