Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
